


Erwin Week 2015 Fills

by Reeseykins



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erwin Week, Erwin Week 2015, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reeseykins/pseuds/Reeseykins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of drabbles I wrote for Erwin Week 2015.  Specific information about each fill included at the start of each chapter. </p><p>Includes the following:<br/>Day 1 - Commander Handsome: Levi contemplates Erwin's good looks<br/>Day 2 - Modern AU: 90's college AU set in Boston<br/>Day 3 - Birthday: Levi makes Erwin his favorite meal for his birthday<br/>Day 4 - Sacrifice/Loss combined with Day 5 - Fantasy/Crossover AU: Erwin is a Grey Warden mage (Dragon Age AU)<br/>Day 7 - Victory/Dreams: Erwin has a difficult time accepting victory</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1 - Commander Handsome
> 
> Bits of NSFW. Implied Bottom!Erwin.

Levi sat in his usual spot, crowded up against one side of the couch in Erwin’s office, quietly sketching Erwin’s eyes and wishing for maybe the hundredth time that he had a blue pencil. It was probably better that way, though—he would never get the color just right anyways, so blue and clear.

Most nights Levi spent processing Erwin’s more mundane paperwork and, as a consequence, his little sketchbook never left its spot tucked underneath a ream of papers on one of the many bookshelves, but tonight Erwin had finished up early. He was currently absorbed in reviewing some delicate looking papers he had pulled out from one of his hidey-holes, something blasphemous or dangerous or possibly both judging from the way his lips curled up at the ends in pleasure. 

Either way, Levi was left to his own devices for a short while, and had absorbed himself in drawing the meticulously realistic eye, bushy eyebrow and all. He used to sketch more when he had first joined, when there had been more empty time needing filling and he had hung around uninvited in Erwin’s office, simply because Erwin never told him to get out. Over the years, he had drawn his features over and over, filling pages with his eyes, his lips, his hands—ostensibly all that repetition was for practice, although he never assembled the pieces into a full face, because if he did he was sure the end result would be a notebook filled with pictures of Erwin. Such a thing would be an embarrassment at best and a liability at worst, so he restricted his small bursts of artistic creativity to fragmented body parts instead of a whole composition.

He couldn’t help it, the desire for him that never seemed to ebb. Erwin was magnificent, splendid, gorgeous. There were no promises between them, no declarations of love, but Levi felt deep-down that Erwin was _his_ in a way he was no one else’s, and the thought of that fact almost made him snap the tip off his pencil. 

It didn’t matter how many years passed, how many times they had been together, Levi never got tired of looking at him. In uniform, he was effortlessly commanding, masculine and inspiring in a way that had, at one time, made Levi seethe with rage. Now, though, his admiration for him, both aesthetic and emotional, was no secret, and he had so often found himself on his knees, pulling aside Erwin’s harness straps and military-issued pants to get his mouth around his cock while he was still, technically, in uniform just because he wanted him.

It was a hundred times worse when he was in his dress uniform, perfectly styled and fitted to every muscular curve of his body, those damned decorative buttons glinting in the light of hundreds of candles as they mingled with society’s upper crust in a bid for more funding. Levi always thought he had a way about him at those events, like one of those predatory birds he’d seen outside the walls, soaring above the oblivious mice and then swooping down for a kill. Levi was a master at hiding his emotions, but on those days it was all he could do to keep his hands and mouth off of Erwin until they were safely ensconced behind closed doors. Erwin always knew, too, and would egg him on with subtle touches, the bastard.

His pencil skimmed over the page, rounding out a pupil, and Levi thought that perhaps there wasn’t ever a time he looked at Erwin and didn’t feel like he was standing in the sunlight with the world free and open before him. Even in those times that saw Erwin hunched over his desk, eyes drooping and purple with exhaustion from long days and restless nights, Levi found him to be beautiful in his own way. He did what he could to lighten his burdens, but sometimes there was nothing to be done besides sit with him as he agonized over plans and information he could not, or would not divulge. Those nights, Levi dragged Erwin from his desk and practically shoved him into his bed, rubbing his bare back soothingly in the dark and pressing gentle kisses to the knot of tension between his shoulder blades until he finally fell asleep.

When he looked up from his drawing, he noticed a lock of hair had shaken loose from Erwin’s usually meticulous coifed head, making him look somehow roguish. He felt a blush rise to the tips of his ears as he thought of the many times he had brushed his fingers through it, twisting and pulling that lovely hair as Erwin had swallowed Levi’s cock. Those moments, the private times between them that no one ever saw, were his favorite secret. He had seen Erwin’s glorious face twist and contort on the verge of climax, heard him sob with pleasure and grunt with release, seen tears well at the edges of his crystalline eyes as Levi fucked him into the bed, and fuck was he even more beautiful in those moments than any other time, dress uniform be damned. 

Suddenly, Erwin was before him, leaning down over him to peer at his notebook. Levi scowled up at him, but opened his mouth willingly when Erwin leaned closer for a kiss.

“What was that for?”

“Nothing. I was watching you.” Erwin smiled crookedly. He sat down with some force next to him, running a hand back through his hair. “My eyebrows aren’t _that_ bushy.”

“They are. They suit you though, _Commander Handsome_.”

Erwin let out a short bark of a laugh. “Hardly.”

In a quick flash of movement, Levi twisted up into Erwin’s lap, facing him, his sketchbook discarded to the side. Erwin looked up into his eyes in amused surprise as Levi grabbed the front of his shirt and jerked him forward.

“I’ve always thought so,” he said, then leaned down into him for another slow kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 - Modern AU. 
> 
> Late 90′s college AU. Some NSFW bits, including lots of profanity. Warning for use of homophobic slurs and for general homophobia.

_1997\. Boston._

Coming back to college after spending three months in his small, rural hometown in upstate New York was like coming back from the dead.  Erwin had spent most of the summer hanging around with his mom, helping her refinish the dining room set and generally just trying to keep himself busy until he could get back to living his life the way he wanted.  In Boston, no one thought twice about the way he dressed; he wasn’t the only one who wore baggy jeans or a wallet chain, and his rotating collection of grunge-rock t-shirts went completely unnoticed. People here were more liberal, and less concerned with whether he was “finding a nice girl to settle down with,” as his grandmother must have mentioned at least 100 times when he went to see her.

It was the start of his sophomore year, and he was stupidly excited for his first class.  He’d decided at the end of last year to switch majors, from communications to history, and was starting off his semester with a 200-level class called “History of War” that had piqued his interest. He had picked up his textbooks yesterday in Kenmore Square, then spent the night reading the first five chapters, losing himself in the details of military engagements from the Battle of Crécy to Waterloo.  His dad had been a professor at Ithaca before he died, and Erwin couldn’t help but feel a little sentimental about his new path.

Class was scheduled to start in five minutes, and Erwin had his face buried in the book again, re-reading the first chapter and examining the black-and-white illustration of the positions of the English and French armies at Agincourt. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, cursing the fact that he could never fit into those stupid desks that were really just tiny slivers of hard plastic attached to an unyielding chair. Who designed those things anyways, a sadist? He stretched his long legs out into the aisle in an attempt to get comfortable.

“Hey, what the fuck, watch it!”  

Erwin looked up from his book, eyebrows raised in surprise at the short, angry looking guy that had just tripped over his feet. He started to apologize, then noticed his letter jacket and jumped up.

“Hey, I know you! You’re Levi Ackerman, right? Fucking hell man, you are fast as hell on skates!” 

Levi scowled and sat down behind him.  The university’s star hockey player, only a sophomore, like Erwin, had made a big name for himself last year, leading the team to their first Beanpot win in a decade. He knew he was short – he’d read his stats over enough times, placed a few not-strictly legal wagers on him, even – but damn, he hadn’t realized he was fucking hot, too.

Their first class didn’t last the full 90 minutes, which was good because Erwin couldn’t get his mind off the guy sitting behind him.  The professor went over the syllabus and then forced them to play one of those dumb introduction games, and then they were let out.  Erwin caught up to Levi in the hall afterwards and apologized again for tripping him, then offered to buy him a coffee.

“I don’t drink coffee.”

Erwin smiled and shrugged. “Ok, whatever. It doesn’t have to be coffee.”

Levi looked him up and down, his eyes narrowed in suspicion, but after a moment he seemed to settle something inside his head and gave an nod. 

“Tea.”

It wasn’t long before they were meeting every morning before class.  There was a little café in the downstairs lounge that served coffee and tea and pastries, and Erwin would always get there first and buy Levi a cup of tea so that, by the time he arrived, it had cooled down enough to drink.  He would eat his chocolate chip muffin and watch as Levi sipped his tea carefully until five minutes of, when they’d walk together to class. 

To most it looked like an unlikely friendship – the school’s best athlete and some nobody punk farm boy – but they enjoyed each other’s company.  They both had terrible senses of humor, but they made each other laugh. Erwin helped Levi pick a topic for his midterm paper; Levi got Erwin good tickets to his home games. By the end of September, Levi and Erwin were together so often, Erwin’s friends started to think of them as a unit.

“Let’s go for Thai food after class,” Mike said, leaning over Nanaba’s seat in Statistics class. 

“We have to invite the twins,” Hange chimed in, butting in to Mike’s third attempt at asking Nanaba out on a date.

“Twins?” Nanaba laughed, sliding Mike a knowing smile.

“Yeah, Erwin and Levi. Twins - like that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, only they’re both hot.”

“Hange, no,” Nanaba groaned, swatting at her with her notebook.

***

One morning, without any advance notice, Levi didn’t show up to class. Erwin waited around in the café, cup of tea in hand, until he finally figured he wasn’t coming and walked to class alone.    It wasn’t unusual for him to skip – everyone did, once in a while – but usually he told Erwin ahead of time so that he knew to take good notes for him.  It gave him an odd feeling, that nagging sense he sometimes got when shit went bad, as it had so many times for him in the past. He spent the whole lecture worrying. 

After class, he practically jogged over to Levi’s brownstone.  Levi had the luxury of a solo dorm due to his favored status as hockey star, on one of the quiet streets near the main campus, so Erwin was able to walk right up to his apartment door and hit the buzzer.  A minute passed, then another minute, and Erwin buzzed again, this time for longer, and shouted Levi’s name.

At last he heard the bolt unlock, and the door swung open just a crack, granting Erwin the tiniest glimpse of him.  He looked more tired than usual.  He wore loose fitting sweatpants and an over sized camp T-shirt that said “YMCA 1992.”

“Hey, what’s up? You weren’t in class.”

Levi pulled the door open a little more and let him in.  As he walked back into his living room, Erwin could see he was walking with a serious limp. 

“Leg got fucked up last night at practice. I won’t be able to play this season, probably.” 

Erwin was flabbergasted. “What!? How did that happen?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Levi scowled and lowered himself down gently on his futon.  Erwin could see now – he hadn’t been sleeping, just wallowing on his couch, judging from the empty pizza box and half-empty sleeve of Mountain Dew.

Erwin sat down next to him, feeling horrible over Levi’s situation.  He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up, then offered it over to Levi.  Levi paused for a second and then snatched it from him, taking a deep puff and then letting the smoke out slow.

“Thanks,” he said, watching the puff of white disappear into the air.

***

For the next three weeks, Erwin did what he could to keep Levi’s mind off his situation.  He went to physical therapy a few times a week and was able to get around fairly well, although he still couldn’t put any significant weight on it by the time the season got underway.  Levi started hanging out more with Erwin’s friends. They would eat take out and re-watch cult classics from the ‘80s and just generally try not to focus too much on schoolwork.

Erwin felt bad that Levi’s abundance of free time was due to his injury, but he was also secretly, guiltily a little happy he got to spend more time with him. He educated him on rock music, forcing him to listen to all his favorites.  He got to know Levi’s little quirks, like how he only ever drank seltzer water flavored with lime, and how he could never resist McDonald’s french fries, and how his favorite movie was Jurassic Park.  Erwin found himself dreading Thanksgiving – almost a whole week away from campus, an 8 hour bus ride at least from Levi, who would be going back home to Connecticut for break.

One day when Levi was in physical therapy, Erwin met Hange at the student union.  She came bounding up, two paper coffee cups in hand, and plopped down across from where he was working on his biology lab report.

“Hey, Erwin.  How’s your boyfriend?” 

Erwin blanched.  “What?”

“Levi, dude. I thought you too were…?” Hange made a weird bumping motion with her fists and looked at him expectantly. 

“We’re not – I don’t even know if he…I mean, I’m not even….” Erwin bumbled, at a complete loss for words as it hit him all at once.  He fucking  _adored_  Levi, and he had no clue if Levi liked him in that way.  

Hange let out a laugh that made her sound like a mad professor and gave his hand a reassuring pat.

“Dude, he is  _totally_  into you. You gotta make a move!”

That night, Erwin tossed and turned, thinking of Levi’s delicate face and sweet lips and  _dammit_. He jerked off three times, finally exhausting himself and drifting off to sleep.

***

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, Erwin scored two tickets to see Everclear at Bill’s Bar, and naturally he invited Levi.  He loaned him his smallest concert t-shirt, an old Nirvana design he had picked up at Spencer’s in his local mall when he was 13 and still a gangly kid.

“People are going to know I’m a total poser.” Levi grumbled as he surveyed himself in the mirror.  His hair was too neat, his sneakers a dead give-away compared to Erwin’s well-worn combat boots, but Erwin thought he looked fucking adorable and he wasn’t going to let him back out now.

“You’re not a poser. You’ve listened to the music, who cares how you dress?”

The place was packed, wall-to-wall.  Erwin was concerned that Levi would reinjure his leg in the unruly crowd, but his luck held out and Levi looked like he was having a great time moshing with the best of them.  It was past midnight when they finally spilled out of the club onto the street, the cool November air prickling at their sweaty skin.

From a side street, two big guys in flannel shirts approached them.  Erwin squinted at them in the darkness.  They looked like two of Levi’s teammates, but they didn’t seem like they were coming up to say hello.

“Hey, look, it’s this fucking faggot.  I thought we told you to get the hell out of here.”  One of the guys said, shoving at Levi’s chest, making him trip back a step. 

Levi reacted in the blink of an eye, before Erwin even had a chance, extending his arm in a short punch to the guy’s jaw that sent him back on his heels.  The other one leapt forward and Erwin swung, only grazing him as he shifted out of the way. It was a blur—a fist connected with Erwin’s face and split his lip, but then Levi sent the first guy down to the pavement with a crack and they were free, running through the night together, through alleys and empty parking lots until they were sure they had lost them.

Erwin leaned against the wall of the alley where they had stopped and heaved a deep breath, then spat out a mouthful of blood onto the pavement. Levi had his hands on his knees, panting.

“You OK?” Erwin asked after a minute.

Levi was quiet for a long minute, his breath gradually slowing.  He didn’t look up, just kept his eyes locked on the ground, avoiding Erwin’s concern.

 “Lee? You good?”

 “Those were the guys that fucked up my leg.”

 “They…wait, what?”

 “Those guys. They fucked with me at practice. That’s how I hurt my leg.”

Erwin pushed himself off the wall, feeling a hot rage burn through him.  He clenched his fists and thought about taking off after them, though at this point he probably wouldn’t be able to find them.

“They’re right, you know.”

 “Right about what?” Erwin practically spat.

 “About me being…a fag.” He choked on the words, and Erwin could see swallow past a lump in his throat. 

Erwin felt all the tension go out of him as he looked at Levi.  He suddenly looked very small, folded over himself.  He thought back to when he had found Levi the day after he’d been injured, depressed and alone on his couch.  It all seemed to make sense, and Erwin felt suddenly sick to his stomach as he realized that, all this time, Levi had been suffering in silence and fear. He reached out a hand slowly, gently touching the side of Levi’s face.

“I wish you could’ve told me sooner. I’ve wanted to ask you out for weeks but I didn’t want to…you know…presume anything.”

Levi looked up at him like he had just been slapped. “Don’t fucking joke, Erwin.  I’m being serious.”

“I’m being serious, too. I mean, I’m fine just being friends if that’s what you want, it’s just I really like you and…”

Levi practically leapt into Erwin’s arms, swallowing his confession with a kiss. Erwin tasted blood, his or Levi’s he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t care.  He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight, relishing the feel of his body pressed against his.  They kissed like that for probably too long, given that they were in a dark alley behind a seedy bar.  Levi bucked his hips up and Erwin gasped at the friction, desperate for more.

“My roommate left early for the holiday.  Do you want to…go back to my dorm?”

Levi carded his fingers up in Erwin’s hair, looking at him like he had just witnessed a miracle.  “Fuck. Yes.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 - Birthday 
> 
> SFW. Levi makes Erwin his favorite meal for his birthday. Happy fluff for the Commander’s birthday!

Levi started planning for Erwin’s birthday in July. In the past he had only ever given Erwin small, practical gifts, like a new inkwell, or one of the small notebooks he favored, but this year he had the urge to do something special.  

Things had been hard, recently; since the fall of Wall Maria four years ago, it felt like they hadn’t had a moment to sit down and just breathe.  Erwin was focused, strong-willed and capable, but even he could use a reprieve every now and then, and frankly Levi was sick of seeing Erwin push himself so hard.  

Of course, the Commander always insisted that they didn’t turn his birthday into a big celebration. They didn’t have the budget for it, anyways and, besides, they never threw a party for any of the other soldiers, so why should his be any different?  They didn’t argue with him about it, hadn’t for years, but Levi could only tolerate Erwin’s self-deprivation so much. Erwin was the best of them, the reason they hadn’t all died or gone mad, and he deserved it.

So, in the middle of the summer, months before the actual day, Levi wrote a letter to an old friend in Karanese – Erwin’s second cousin, who owned an inn and tavern – asking for the recipe for Erwin’s favorite dish.  The old man wrote back promptly, enclosing the recipe and promising his assistance in procuring the right ingredients when the time came.  

For the next two months, Levi scrimped and saved his military stipend in order to be able to afford the ingredients.  He probably could have slipped it into the regular budget, since he handled all the requisitions and disbursements for the mess hall anyways, but he knew how Erwin would feel if he used official funds so he opted, instead, to pay for it all himself.  He could forgo fresh socks for the fall and stretch out the lifespan of his personal effects if it meant doing something decent for Erwin’s birthday for once.

On October 13th, the Survey Corps supply cart came, bearing its usual haul of medical supplies, letters, and, this time, Levi’s ingredients.  Erwin routinely came down to check on the delivery cart’s arrival, but this time Levi  had enlisted Hange’s aide in distracting their Commander, freeing him up to collect his contraband items without suspicion.  

The potatoes had been no problem, since they received a regular delivery every two weeks, but the fresh corn had been a little hard to come by, and the meat, well, the meat had cost him.  Levi found a nook at the back of the cool cellar where they kept their food stores and tucked it all away under a clean cloth.  He made the cook swear not to tell a soul about what he was hiding, and he almost thought about having Petra stand guard outside but then decided that he was being overly paranoid.  He left the cellar and went up to Erwin’s office for the evening, feeling smug about his little surprise.

***

Levi was up early on Erwin’s birthday.  The night before, as Levi was gathering up his clothes and getting ready to head back to his quarters, Erwin had asked him if they could meet for a jog before dawn, and of course Levi had agreed.  Erwin was quiet as they ran, his breathing calm and even, despite the chill in the air. When they were finished, Erwin gave Levi’s shoulder a squeeze and breathed a quiet “thanks” that made Levi feel like he was blushing.

“That wasn’t your birthday present, you know.” Levi muttered as he walked away.

“I’d be happy if it was.”

Levi glanced back for just a moment, but it was long enough that Erwin’s near-beatific smile burned into his memory.  Sometimes the bastard made it  _really_  difficult to pretend they weren’t as close as they really were.

Luckily, Erwin’s rigid adherence to routine worked to Levi’s advantage. For months he had worked through dinner, allowing Levi to bring him his meal after the Captain had finished.  Tonight would be no different, only tonight the meal would be a little bit better than usual.

Once the cook had finished up his meal prep, Levi shooed him out of the kitchen and set to work.  He tied on the apron he usually wore when he cleaned and pulled his hair back from his face with a handkerchief as he assessed his work area.   The cook kept the place clean – Levi wouldn’t tolerate it any other way, and after months of spot inspections and a few talks with Erwin, the man had finally agreed to keep it up to Levi’s exacting standards. Despite this, Levi found he couldn’t help carefully scrubbing every utensil, bowl and dish he intended to use before he actually started with the meal.  

Once he was satisfied that his tools were ready, he wiped down the cook space, twice for good measure, and then went to fetch his ingredients.  He peeled the potatoes and set them to boiling in short order, then husked and stripped the corn and cooked it in water for the amount of time specified in the recipe. Next, he unwrapped the small loin of beef and cut it into bite-sized pieces, then stopped to read the recipe over for the fifth time that day.

_Brown the meat. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_

He should have asked the cook, but the man was too damned jittery around Levi to speak properly. Levi shook his head in disgust and then rolled the beef in flour, as the recipe instructed, and dropped it into a pan a quarter-ways filled with hot oil.

Levi’s stomach turned as the meat began cooking. He had barely ever eaten it when he’d lived in the Underground, and now with it being such a rare commodity he hadn’t had an opportunity to develop a taste for it.  Something about the smell made him feel a little sick, and he wrinkled his nose in disgust as he watched the oil in the pan pop.

A stirring at the door made him run for the handle, but a moment later Mike poked his head in and Levi went back to watching the stove.

“Let me guess, you could smell this shit from your room?”

Mike sniffed and cracked a lopsided grin.  “It’s not shit, it’s meat. And actually I was out at the training course.”

Levi scoffed. Of course Mike would smell him cooking from the other side of their base.

“It’s starting to burn, you better take it off the heat.”

“Shit, what the fuck. Isn’t it supposed to be black?”

“Browned.”

“What the fuck does that  _mean_ , though?”

“It’s good.” Mike said, peering down at the chunks of meat as Levi hurriedly spooned it out of the pan.

Levi let Mike taste one tiny piece – a burnt one – and then he sauntered out of the kitchen the same way he had come in, leaving Levi to his work. It took him another few minutes to drain and mash the potatoes and layer the ingredients in the ceramic dish, but then it was done, and Levi had only to heat it in the oven for a few minutes before he could take it to Erwin.  He set about cleaning up his mess and then threw aside his apron and kerchief, taking a second to wipe the flour off his face and make himself look presentable.  

He had a bottle of fine brandy that Erwin’s cousin had sent along, on him, and tucked that up under his arm so he could grab the handles of the hot dish with a cloth.  He headed up to Erwin’s office quick, keeping to the edges of the buildings so that Erwin wouldn’t be able to see him coming from his window.  When he slipped in the room a minute later, Erwin was already looking up from his desk, doing his keenest impression of Mike, with his nose in the air, catching the scent of the food.

“What is that?”

“Dinner,” Levi replied with no ceremony, placing it before him on the desk.  He took the bottle out from under his arm and set it down next to the dish. “Dessert.”

Erwin looked it over, fondness showing at the corners of his eyes, but then he looked up at Levi, attempting to look stern.  “You know I don’t want military funds spent on my birthday.” 

“Well, I didn’t spend military funds. I do what I want with my own money.”

 Erwin looked down at the dish and licked his lips subconsciously.

Is this…shepherd’s pie?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I know I’m not cook, but you don’t need to insult the way it looks.”

“Wait,  _you_  cooked this? How?”

Levi pursed his lips. Of course Erwin would ask him a hundred questions.

“I got the recipe from your cousin.”

Erwin stared down at the pie for a moment, and when he glanced back up at Levi he looked glassy-eyed. He reached a hand up to Levi’s face, guiding him down for a sweet kiss.  Levi returned the kiss and slipped down into Erwin’s lap, feeling suddenly a little bashful about the whole thing.

“I thought you should have a decent meal on your birthday, old man.”

 “It’s perfect,” Erwin replied, rubbing his hands along Levi’s back.  By the time Levi finally tore himself away from Erwin’s kisses, the meal was starting to cool. Erwin didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading "The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To," this fill goes along with that universe. Erwin's cousin that sends Levi the recipe is Ruediger, although I imagine he is very old at this point!


	4. In death, sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This covers Day 4: Sacrifice/Loss, and Day 5: Fantasy/Crossover AU.
> 
> Dragon Age AU - Erwin as a Grey Warden mage. Some eruri at the end (SFW). Warnings for fantasy violence and death.

Erwin was ten when he first felt the magic burn hot under his skin, like fire ants crawling all over him, sparkling at the ends of his fingertips like fireflies.  He lived with his father in a remote corner of Fereldan–although he would later learn that, outside of Fereldan, the entire country was considered remote–on a small farm with goats and chickens and grain that they traded with the dwarven traders passing through on their way from Orzammar to Denerim.

Their isolation, Erwin soon found out, was purposeful.  His father was an apostate mage. Now, so was he.

Erwin was twelve when he was first brought to the Circle. It was a summer day, and he was off gathering firewood at the edge of the forest. He hummed as he worked, in a daze daydreaming about someday becoming a legendary mage, and didn’t hear the creatures until they were almost on top of his.  They were terrifying things, upright but with decaying features and sharp teeth that clacked as they chased him back to his house.  He tried blasting them with ice, but in his fright the magic came out wildly and all he succeeded in doing was digging holes in the ground with icicles. 

His father heard them coming and was ready with a blast of hot flame that hit one of the creatures head-on and burnt their wagon to a crisp in the process.  The second beast was still after Erwin, who was rapidly firing off blasts of ice in every direction except for at the enemy.  His father intervened at the last moment, swinging an ethereal sword at the creature and mortally wounding it, but not before the first one had a chance to recover and slash him open with its wickedly clawed hands. 

With a last blast of flame, his father obliterated the creature and fell to the ground.  As he sunk to the ground in agony, he told Erwin not to go for help.

_Run. Be free._

He didn’t understand.  He sprinted blindly to the nearest town, but by the time he returned his father was dead, and the evidence of their use of magic plain as day.  The townsfolk grabbed him, bound his wrists so tight he couldn’t feel his hands, and threw him in a cell in the Teryn’s dungeon until the Templars came to collect him a week later and took him off to Kinloch Hold.

It took him time to get over the shock and grief of losing both his father and his freedom all in the same day, but once he stopped trying to escape, life in the Circle wasn’t terrible.  He passed his Harrowing easily, and once he was free to engage in studies of his choosing he settled in to the life of a Circle mage. He still bristled under the constant attention of the Templars, and wasn’t silent when he felt they were abusing their power.  It did not win him friends, amongst mages or Templars alike.

He found that he excelled at magic that took others years to master.  He wasn’t just limited to elemental spells, but was able to manipulate the force of the air around him, pushing and pulling and crushing with force. In his spare time, he collected treatises on the darkspawn, examining their origins in what often felt like a fruitless attempt at making up for his father’s death.  His palms itched with pent up energy, and he longed for the opportunity to get outside and fight, even if it meant taking that fight deep underground, to where the darkspawn supposedly hid in between blights.

He joined the Grey Wardens when he was seventeen. The First Enchanter called him to his office without warning and introduced him to Duncan, a roguish but serious looking man who bore the emblem of the griffon on his chest.  Apparently, the Grey Wardens came to all of the Circles throughout Thedas to periodically recruit new mages, and the First Enchanter had thought that Erwin would be a fine choice.  Erwin knew that the old mage was weary of his attitude and his strange preoccupation with the darkspawn, but that didn’t bother Erwin in the slightest.  Being recruited into the Grey Wardens felt like the first real step towards realization of his life goal.

After the Joining ritual, Duncan sent him off to Weisshaupt Fortress in the distant Anderfels, to serve as his superiors deemed fit.  There were many mages in the Wardens, but Erwin had learned unique skills from his father and his intensive study at the Fereldan Circle that made him of particular usefulness.  As a result, he saw more of Thedas in a few short years than most folk saw in a lifetime, crisscrossing the continent from Orlais to Starkhaven carrying out specialty missions for the Wardens.  

He got a reputation, both as a skilled mage and a capable leader, and when he was 25 he was appointed Senior Warden and sent back to Fereldan, to serve under the jurisdiction of the man who had recruited him years before.  But in the time it took him to travel from Weisshaupt to Fereldan, he’d missed the Fifth Blight and was obligated to report to a new Warden Commander. He felt frustrated, impotent practically, for not having been there, for not taking on the horde and the Archdemon with the Hero of Fereldan and the now-King, Alistair. The Hero, however, seemed to recognize his talent right away, and gave Erwin wide latitude to conduct whatever operations he saw fit.

He slowly recruited a versatile, driven team of Wardens. First came Mike Zacharius, a man built like a golem and highly skilled with a sword and shield, who, it turned out, came from a town not far from where Erwin had grown up. Next he found Hange Zoe, a sometimes erratic but highly intelligent Warden mage from Nevarra.  Together, the three of them performed a series of exploratory missions into the Deep Roads, searching for more information about the mysterious, intelligent darkspawn that called himself “The Architect.”  It finally felt like he was doing what he was meant to do – killing darkspawn was easy; he wanted to end them for good.  

Erwin was twenty eight when he met Levi, the last member of their team.  He was in Denerim, on an official errand for the Warden Commander, when he first saw him skulking along in the alleys, following him from a distance. He was small, even for an elf, and quick, and although Erwin was an excellent battlefield strategist he lost track of him in his peripherals.  A moment later and he was leaping down onto him from a rooftop, toppling him to the ground. Erwin was quick to get his feet back under him and managed to subdue his assailant, who had more strength and skill than he had first thought.

He figured out quick that Levi was acting as someone’s pawn.  Erwin had a checkered history of getting on people’s bad sides, and in particular the growing tensions between magical users and the rest of the world had made him an even bigger target.  Levi had taken a contract on Erwin’s life from an old enemy, a Templar that had hounded him when he had lived in Kinloch, seeing it as his way to make enough money to get out of the wretched alienage for good.  Erwin gave him a choice, an opportunity for something better: join the Wardens.  He accepted.

By age thirty, Erwin and his squad were infamous.  They explored every Deep Roads entrance that was discovered from Vinmark Mountains to the Western Approach.  Their mission was always the same, the pursuit of information, but to the people who’s lives and livelihoods they protected from the residual darkspawn threat they were heroes.  

They were a close group, they supported each other. But then, Mike heard his Calling.  It was something they all knew would happen to them eventually; if they weren’t killed outright, sooner or later the taint would catch up to them, and they would go home, to the Deep Roads. He had been like a brother to Erwin, and he found he had trouble understanding what purpose life held. Complete destruction of the darkspawn threat felt like an impossibility, a child’s dream that was so vast in scope it nearly crushed him.

With Mike gone, the dynamic wasn’t the same, and Hange soon left for Weisshaupt to spend her time analyzing the data she had meticulously collected on the darkspawn over the years. It was then, when Erwin was thirty-two, that he and Levi become lovers.  It felt inevitable, like a slow game they had played with each other since the moment they met.  They shared a tent from then on, and as Erwin fell asleep one crisp fall night, Levi snug in his arms, he cursed the fact that he waited so long to tell him how he felt.

Erwin was thirty five when he heard the Calling.

_Too soon, it’s too soon. I have too much left to do._

He ignored it for months. The eerie singing ebbed and flowed, but it was there, always, scratching at the back of his mind, the sound an echo of what he imagined were the darkspawn digging endlessly for Archdemons. Erwin was masterful at keeping his composure, though, so he managed to hide the sick feeling it gave him from his friends and, importantly, his lover.  He was passionate about his desire to eradicate the darkspawn, but life had seen fit to give him something – someone – else to care about too, and he wasn’t ashamed to say that he selfishly wanted to live, just because Levi still drew breath.

But then, one night, Erwin found Levi huddled near the last embers of their campfire, eyes red, fists balled up against his ears, and he knew that Levi heard the song, too.  It was almost a relief, knowing that they could go to the Deep Roads together; he wouldn’t be alone at the end, and neither would Levi.

They chose to go underground at a fissure they’d located years earlier, west of Kirkwall.  For days they saw nothing, not even a deepstalker, but once they passed into deeper tunnels the signs of darkspawn became clearer. They took their time, stopping to set up camp at any conveniently defensible location. There was no reason to rush what they were doing.

Levi went first.  They had found a Broodmother, foul, evil creature, and decided to take it on – Erwin thought maybe it was a mistake, but they had been down in the Deep Roads for what seemed like an entire lifetime unto itself, and he was tired.  Despite that, they moved in familiar synchronicity: Levi’s twin blades slicing through her rubbery tentacles, Erwin’s crushing magic slamming into her head over and over.  But they had been overwhelmed by Hurlocks and Genlocks, and Levi was impaled twice by the Broodmother’s last remaining tentacle before they finally dispatched them all.

He held Levi in his arms, a crumpled, bloody mess, and kissed his head.  The air was foul around them, but he whispered to Levi of the forest, of flowers and the bright sun until his shallow breaths finally stopped.

_In death, sacrifice._

The Grey Warden motto.  Here, at the precipice of death, he felt like it had been worth it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 7: Victory/Dreams
> 
> Erwin has a difficult time accepting victory. This is sort of depressing, but also a little sappy. Eruri. Warnings for depression and suicidal thoughts.

Erwin had never expected to live to see this moment. Over the past few months he had poured every remaining shred of willpower and intelligence into executing their last push to victory over the titans and, in the process, set aside any lingering fear of his own mortality until death had seemed like a certainty for him.  Living to see this day had been too much to hope for; he’d conditioned himself never to think too hard about what he would do afterwards if given the chance.  Now that it was happening, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel. 

Soldiers were erupting into celebration around him, hugging and cheering and dancing together with wild abandon.  Eren, Armin, and Mikasa stood together, locked in a three-way embrace, a bastion of calm in the roiling sea of triumphant faces.  In the end, it had been their collective dedication to the cause, and their unerring devotion to each other, that had made all the difference.  Beyond them, he could see Hange, who had Mobilt in their arms, kissing him earnestly, as well as a number of other soldiers engaging in similarly unprofessional behavior.  They were alive and, he figured, military protocol be damned, they deserved to be happy.

 He flexed the fingers on his one remaining hand and thought— _I am alive_.

As he stood rooted in place, staring dumbly down at his hand, he heard Levi’s voice rise over the crowd, shouting his name.  Erwin looked up and saw his dark head pushing its way through the crowd, but he couldn’t make his voice work to call out to him. Levi must have seen him because in the next moment he was there, rushing towards him, leaping up to wrap his legs around him.  Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist to keep him from falling as Levi grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him fervently.

“I thought maybe…” Levi said, his voice catching, but Erwin stopped him from finishing his thought with another kiss.  To blazes if everyone was watching—what did it matter now?

He was alive, Levi was alive, and the future was ahead of them.

They entered the Capital two weeks later.  Originally, the Queen had requested that they make for Mitras straight away, but in every town they passed through the people had insisted they stop so they could be honored. Although resources were still as they had been for years leading up to this point, the promise of a brighter future made everyone more willing to share their food and wine, and the soldiers enjoyed a steady stream of adoration.

Once they arrived in the capital, Erwin led them through the streets in a ceremonial march to the Royal Palace.  Crowds lined the streets, throwing flower petals in front of their horses’ hooves, and by the time they reached their destination Erwin could sense his troops glowing with pride.  He dismounted at the foot of the stairs up to the enormous palace and led them up to where Queen Historia stood waiting for them, Hange and Levi following behind him on his right, Eren, Armin and Mikasa to his left.  They knelt together in unison, and the Queen reached out her slender hand and laid it on Erwin’s shoulder, urging him to rise.

“It is us who should kneel before you, our saviors, the Survey Corps!”

It took ten minutes for the crowd to settle after her pronouncement.  She went on to talk about all of the loss and sacrifices that had been made to win them this victory, and how together they would work together towards a new era of peace and prosperity.  She handed out medals and other tokens of gratitude to the soldiers and, by the end, there was hardly a dry eye in the crowd. Even Levi looked like he had tears in his eyes.

There were a massive party afterwards that started with a banquet in the palace and ended with dancing and drinking that boiled out into the streets.  Erwin did his best to play along, nodding and smiling when appropriate, but it all felt surreal to him.  He couldn’t find it in himself to be jubilant with the rest of them, not when he was the reason why so many others weren’t there with them to celebrate.  He thought of Mike, and Nanaba, Gelgar, Levi’s whole original squad – they died on his watch.  Why should he be here to see this, when none of them were?

He felt like a cold, hollowed out shell, a ghost observing the proceedings from some other plane. Levi stayed at his side the entire evening, and Erwin knew Levi could sense his mood.  It was dampening his enjoyment of the festivities, although he would never admit it. Erwin found himself thinking that it would have been better if he had died.

***

After a week in the capital, Erwin went to his father’s grave.  Levi came along; in fact, he didn’t think Levi was planning on ever being apart from him for more than a few minutes ever again.  When they arrived, though, he asked for some privacy, which Levi freely gave.

It had been years since he had visited, but he had no trouble finding the spot where he parents were buried.  He knelt in front of the grave and reached out his one remaining hand, steadying himself against the stone marker that bore his father’s name.  

_Father. I did it. It’s finished._

Something inside of him broke as he thought back to where this had all began for him.  he had been so full of energy and life, youthful curiosity; little did he realize that curiosity would set him on the path it did. He started to cry, choking sobs that threw his chest into a spasm.

He couldn’t remember the last time he cried – it might have been here, in this very spot, as the undertakers lowered his father’s casket into the earth.  All these years he had been disciplined in mind and body, his sole focus on proving his father’s theories and ending the madness of humanity’s existence behind the walls.  Now that it was all over, what was he, really? Just a man, a broken man.

Eventually Levi came up quietly behind him and wrapped an arm around him.  Erwin couldn’t stop the endless flood of tears; it seemed he had saved his grief for all of his dead companions for this moment, and now that he had let his mask of composure fall there was no way for him to pick it back up and put it back on.  Levi hauled him to his feet and guided him away from the cemetery, never saying a word.

***

In the following weeks, the military was reconstituted, and Queen Historia ordered a full-scale evaluation of the lands outside their former enclosure.  The soldiers who had been with Erwin at the end were all finding a new role to fill, whether as part of the expedition outside or otherwise. Historia had offered him Zackly’s position as Commander in Chief, but had also suggested that she would gladly put him in charge of the exploration if he was interested.  She wasn’t the only one offering him a new position – indeed, it seemed that everyone he met had a suggestion for what he should do next, from aide to the Queen to school teacher.  

Nothing seemed right. He’d spent his entire adult life working in military command; now that they had won, what else could he possibly be good at?

Levi had been offered his pick of positions as well, but thus far had deferred on making a choice.  Per usual, he was tightlipped as to why he hadn’t made a decision yet, but Erwin knew he was waiting for Erwin to make the first move.  It seemed unfair – Levi should get to choose, really and truly choose, the path his life would take from here on out.  

He slept fitfully, and one evening he jerked awake with a yelp, soaked in a cold sweat.  Levi sat up in bed next to him almost instantly and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s chest from behind. He laid his cheek against Erwin’s back, and together they stayed like that for a few minutes, breathing in unison.

After a while they settled back under their covers, Erwin shifting down in the bed so he was tucked against Levi’s side.  He was still wide awake when Levi’s voice rattled out in the night.

“Do you trust me?”

Erwin didn’t hesitate. “You know that I do.”

A long moment passed. Erwin thought that maybe he wouldn’t say anything else, but finally he did, his voice a mere whisper in Erwin’s ear.

“You know you don’t have to  _do_  anything, now. You can just… _be_.”

Erwin let out a breath and relaxed into Levi’s embrace.  

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Let’s just go away. Fuck all these stupid responsibilities, let’s just go live.”

Erwin almost laughed. He had never actually considered that possibility before, but now that Levi had suggested it, it seemed like the only and best option.  He propped himself up on his elbow and leaned down into Levi, kissing him until they were both gasping for breath.

“You like that plan, then?”

“You’ll get sick of me for sure.”

Levi yanked him down and wrapped a leg up over Erwin’s hip, kissing away any more thought of protest.


End file.
